As you may have noticed, I am experimenting with the use of Loneliness with my introductory psychology students. We’re doing a lot of out of class projects, but I also wanted to incorporate some in-class activities. Yesterday, we tried to apply one of the principles of improving social connection suggested by John Cacioppo and Bill Patrick–“extend” yourself.
Our interviews resulted in many animated conversations.
I borrowed liberally from an exercise that Mr. F remembered from his MBA coursework at USC. USC is very hands-on, and they’re a great source of practical classroom activities. The MBA activity was geared towards formal job interviewing, so we needed to tweak it a bit, but it worked out really well.
We started out with a short discussion of what it meant to “extend” yourself to others–focusing on others instead of the self, initiating conversations rather than waiting for another person to start talking, and learning about the other people in the classroom. Then we divided the class in half–I just used odd and even birthdays–and one group had the assignment to interview someone from the other half for 5 minutes (I brought a noisy timer) and learn something “positive” about the person that others might not know. We had the potential “interviewees” stay seated and raise their hands, and the “interviewers” rushed around to find an interviewee. After 5 minutes, they found a second person to interview, then we switched roles for the next two rounds. So everybody was an interviewer twice and an interviewee twice.
When all the interviews were done, I asked for a volunteer to come up to the front, and then his/her interviewers were asked to come up and share what they had learned. Then the interviewee could comment on how accurate they had been. We shared the results of three interviews. We have some amazing students!
I was very pleased with how the activity went. The decibel level in the classroom was shocking–I fully expected professors from neighboring classrooms to come in to complain. You can’t have 30+ animated conversations going without making some noise. At first, I noticed that some of the students seemed quite reserved, but over the course of 4 interviews, everybody seemed to lighten up. One correction I would make, and Mr. F chided me a bit for not noticing this in his directions, would be to specify that you needed to interact with four different people. Some dyads just switched roles at the halfway mark. This wasn’t a big problem, but I think it’s better to have four other people to talk to.
We ended the class considering another “extend” activity suggested in Loneliness. This was for out-of-class time, because the idea is to greet people like supermarket clerks. This produced quite a bit of discussion, as many students had worked as clerks. One student remarked that clerks in his store are trained to greet customers, but it’s often disheartening to have little positive feedback. Another said that most customers in her experience were very friendly, leading to a discussion of big city versus small town (San Luis Obispo has about 45,000 residents, but many students are from LA or the Bay Area). Another student worked in a department store, and said that he had to be careful about asking elderly customers “how are you,” because they would stay and talk for half an hour. Needless to say, this provoked additional discussion about how seniors might not have anyone to talk to and the level of loneliness many experience.
All in all, it was a fun class section. Much better than listening to me go through PowerPoints. I’m really excited about how Loneliness is providing a theme for our quarter.
9 Comments
C_Ritter · October 11, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I used to work at a restaurant during weeknights and you get quite a few older couples that come in for dinner (and, once in a while, older men by themselves). I had much the same experience because they really will tell you all about their day. They also like to ask you a lot of questions (along the lines of: are you a student?, what are you studying?). They like to hear about the interesting things that you’re doing. Sometimes you even get to see the wallet pictures of their grandchildren before they leave 🙂
Amber Thompson · October 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm
This sounds like an amazing experiment for the classroom. It really exemplifies Cal Poly’s “learn by doing” motto.
I remember from Intro to Psych how Mr. F would always say that college students are the lonliest people on Earth…it really makes me wonder, what is it that makes college students stand out as the “lonliest of the nation”? How can this be proven statstically?
Amber Thompson · October 13, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I made a mistake in my last comment…I was referring to Mr. Ryujin, not Mr. F. I had just read another blog that mentioned Mr. F, and kind of spaced when writing my reply to this one. I guess it’s that time of year again…
nikkinate · October 14, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I think that this activity on the topic of loneliness was an excellent idea and hopefully a learning experience for many of your students. Some people never realize how vulnerable their peers are and how truly lonely one can be. A simple smile or gesture is sometimes all it takes to make someone’s day. In your observation you mentioned that one of your students was careful of asking elderly citizens how they are. I am a first-hand expert on this scenario, for throughout high school I was active in Meals on Weels (MOW) and definitely dealt with my share of conversations that should have been seconds but lasted hours.
Jaclyn Shostrom · October 14, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I used to work with children at an after school program and I noticed the same kind of thing. Parents would come to pick up their kids and would just love to sit around and talk and tell me all about their child as soon as I simply said a quick hello. Grandparents were especially anxious to talk. I find this a very human characteristic though…after all we are very social creatures. We crave other’s attention and conversations are a great way to learn something new while sharing your knowledge with others so as not to feel so alone.
trudles88 · October 15, 2008 at 5:56 pm
When i first started studying psychology, i would often roll my eyes when our tutors made us do these type of extending activities in the beginning of the semester. But now i realise that there was some purpose to it! In my experience, i find there is a difference in the participation level when we do those introductory activities. People are always more willing to share their opinion and discuss answers, if the ice is broken in the first tutorial. Whereas if those activities aren’t done at the start, most people just sit quietly during tutorials and there is little class discussion.
R_Karl_S · October 16, 2008 at 3:17 am
1) In youth, loneliness is a very transient experience that can be wiped away by a bit of texting or a chat with friends.
2) A deeper layer of loneliness is experienced by those who do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, especially if they feel like they are missing out or have been passed over or ignored.
3) The deepest layer of loneliness experienced in youth is known to those who have, for instance, been displaced from their families for some period of time.
4) For those in old age, who have lost their parents, brothers and sisters, many of their life long friends and even the TV and movies stars and the singers of popular music they grew up with, a more profound loneliness is experienced.
The transient form is the most common form of loneliness we experience when young, but the deeper form becomes ever more common as we enter old age. This level of loneliness is far more profound than anything experienced in youth and we would never wish the young to suffer it.
Loneliness is not only about proximity to other people. When a movie star, for instance, who we grew up with and thought of as a role model or hero, dies, we feel a loss even though we have never actually met that person and never been in their presence. The most profound loneliness occurs in the confines of one’s own mind, and it is within that mind that we may seek company. Addressing the profound loneliness, the (4), one is likely to read novels, watch TV soaps, or embrace religion – places where the imagination can find new friends to populate a thinning mindscape.
Even if you have never experienced the more profound forms of loneliness you are likely to be able to relate to them. Those who suffer clinical depression (depression that is not a result of life’s circumstances) may well suffer all four levels of loneliness regardless of how many friends they have and how much their friends try to cheer them up. They may live in happy homes, have a partner or even be married with their own family and yet still suffer the same level of loneliness as the most ignored old person.
Fortunately, we now have medication to correct for this imbalance in brain chemistry, usually a problem of abundance of certain neurotransmitters eg serotonin.
But I once lived on an island in the forest in a tin shed and went for weeks at a time without seeing or communicating with another person. I met someone special there – I met myself. We get along very well. – Robert Karl Stonjek
mama5512 · October 19, 2008 at 8:08 pm
WOW !! That sounds like you guys had fun and enjoyed the class that day. I wish I was there. It is very fun to learn about other people and know a little more about them. It is hard to tell or know more about a person until you ask and find out. I think that sometimes our stereotypes get in our way of getting to know a person. Sometimes asking people how are they or just getting to know them a little more can make ones day. I once read a powerful story about a young man who was going to commit sucide, on the day he decided to do it, he went to school and his teacher made such an impact on him that he decided not to. Amazing how one person can make a difference. Loneliness is so SCARY!! That is one of my biggest fears in life that I face. I am afraid to be alone in life especially as i get older. Loneliness is a hard but great topic to explore to help ease the scariness!
ajacopet · December 4, 2008 at 11:57 am
Older couples absolutely love to converse! I once talked with an older man at my work for almost an hour about Cal Poly, my future plans, his advice on what cities were the best to live in, and how his career goals worked out. I think loneliness has somewhat of a factor in this. I think the “getting to know someone new” activities that sometimes take place on the first day of class do help. It allows you to make a friend or two in the class, and can develop into a friendship. I think more teachers should think about doing it because it breaks the nervous barrier on the first days of classes.
Comments are closed.