Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, by John Cacioppo and William Patrick

I just finished reading Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, which is coming out towards the end of August. The book summarizes, in very accessible terms, thirty years of work by John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago and his colleagues.

It’s initially hard to get past the title. William Patrick, John’s coauthor, relates how a friend reading an early manuscript found the word “loneliness” to be disturbing, even more so than “rape,” “murder,” or “death.” This reaction fits perfectly with the major theme of the book–we humans are a very social bunch, and being cut off from other people, as in solitary confinement, might be the very worst punishment of all.

What I especially liked about the book is the constant, seamless integration of what we call “perspectives” in psychology, harkening back to William James. In other words, the neuroscience, social psychology, and cognitive science is all woven together so that you get the big picture. In other writing, John has compared psychology to a symphony, with the different perspectives contributing to the whole of our understanding just as the score, musicians, instruments, and conductor join together to produce fantastic music. He and William have definitely succeeded in bringing this integration to the study of loneliness. Given the all-too-frequent Balkanization of psychology into little subdomains, this approach is refreshing and informative.

Like William’s friend, I found myself feeling sad at times while reading the book. I don’t consider myself a lonely person, as I am blessed by having a close family and good friends. But I know a lot of lonely people, and reading the various case studies brought these people to mind in a vivid way. The sad mood lifted, however, when John would throw in some of his modest and self-deprecating humor, as in his description of his trip to “Grenada.” Enough said. You need to read the book to find out the rest.

In spite of the sober topic, I think many people will jump at the chance to learn more from this book. My mother-in-law, over at our house for lunch, snatched up my copy and asked to borrow it. My daughters are pre-ordering theirs on Amazon. Kristin has mentioned that loneliness is such a huge issue for her soldiers, not only while they deploy, but even more so when they return to families who can’t begin to relate to the things they’ve seen and done in combat. She’s hoping that John will take a look at the vulnerability of soldiers to PTSD as a function of their initial loneliness scores, following up on research listed on the Loneliness site.

Best of all, the authors do not stop after describing the origins and implications of loneliness. Instead, there is a careful, thoughtful, step-by-step approach to reducing one’s own loneliness. Following the recommended steps is never presented as a magic bullet, or a quick fix, but just a practical way, grounded in good science, to move from point A to point B. No matter how lonely or not lonely you feel, there are suggestions here to make the social aspects of life more meaningful.

Finally, I’d like to end by pointing out that these authors really do practice what they preach. The website for Loneliness has a menu feature called “socialize.” In one of the blog entries, William Patrick describes how John insisted that he should be a “full co-author,” instead of receiving his usual credits.

For those of you on Facebook, hope you join the Science of Loneliness group. There’s something inherently ironic about that statement, but I hope to see you there soon.