As a parent of adult children, all of whom managed to dodge the many pitfalls of adolescence, I have never bought into the Judith Rich Harris thesis about parents not making any difference. Just because some parents do not choose to be involved does not mean that those who are involved do not have an impact. I have been concerned that young parents would take this to heart, and believe that their impact on their children’s outcomes is minimal. To the contrary, in our experience, parents who expected the village to raise their children were invariably disappointed with the outcome.
Now Andrew Lac and William Crano of the Claremont Graduate University have published results of a meta-analysis showing that parental monitoring is associated with rates of marijuana use by adolescents [1]. Over 35,000 total participants were assessed.
What does it mean to have parental monitoring? This was defined as parental knowledge of the child’s whereabouts, activities, and relations. That’s not exactly intrusive, “helicopter” parenting, and yet it made a big difference in the futures of children. It’s hard to imagine that this small amount of involvement is beyond the abilities of even the busiest, most stressed parent.
No doubt there are parents out there who believe using marijuana is a normal rite of passage for their children, and perhaps that was the case when our economy made it nearly impossible to fail. But in the present economy, with its unprecedented competition for a few remaining jobs (unemployment for 24-30 year olds has never been higher than now), young people need to understand that while they’re getting high, somebody else is studying, working, and becoming a better person. Parents owe their children the little effort it takes to help them prepare for the realities of the future.
1. Lac, A., & Crano, W. D. (2009). Monitoring matters: Meta-analytic review reveals the reliable linkage of parental monitoring with adolescent marijuana use. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(6), 578-586.
13 Comments
aseastrunk · November 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I definitely think that parenting makes a difference, yet there are situations where parents do a good job and the children still screw up. I think it is impossible to consistently know what your child is doing when you aren’t with them. I certainly lied about both my whereabouts and my activities. But it wasn’t for lack of my mother trying. I feel like parents should put forth the effort it takes to monitor their children. I’m sure it makes somewhat of a difference, but I believe that there are other factors that play a role.
aterpenny · November 7, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I personally feel that parents make all the difference. They are mentors, people who can show you the ropes of life. Conversely, parents are also enforcers and punishers, something that I feel every parent must be at some point during their child’s life. As a child matures in life, I feel, maybe from personal experience, that parents become less “parenty” and more “friendly.” I regard both of my parents as my best friends. They help me with day to day issues I may come across, provide much needed insight into situations that I may not necessarily see, and are my constant companions through thick and thin. Without my parents in my life, I truly do not think that I would be the person that I am today.
adugandzic · November 8, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I also agree that parents make all the difference. Even from watching TV shows about people in rehab and people with life issues in general, I have found that the majority of those people had problems with their parents and their childhood. Everyone deserves to have strong parental guidance, especially because parents have already seen and experienced what we as children and teenagers will experience. Parents help shape their children into the adults they become, whether their children end up exactly like them or complete opposites. One important thing I learned from my mom was that she always wanted to know what my brother and I were doing and just to be sure of our safety. However, she was never overbearing to 1. show that she trusted us and 2. to let us make our own mistakes so we could learn from them. This is one of the things I appreciate most because I feel it has taught me responsibility and discipline, which are qualities I think are very important, especially for a college student.
LanieAnton · November 9, 2009 at 11:31 pm
I almost take this as offensive because I know that my parents had a great deal of influence on me and how I grew up to the way I am today. For instance, my parents never allowed my brother and I to play any video games when we were younger. And now as I am in college I am looking around at everyone who is wasting hours a day playing these games, and I thank my parents for this. I used to think of my parents as being over controlling and sometimes annoying, but I now see them as my best friends, and the two people who will always love me. I know that if this feeling is absent in any child’s life, it can have a great effect on what that child grows up to be.
dmorriso · November 10, 2009 at 2:57 pm
As we are growing up we never think about when our parents say no, it could be a good thing. (At least I never did.) Now I work with kids at an elementary school and I find myself saying no many times and reminding myself of my parents. It finally makes sense! They were saving me from learning things the hard way. Parents definitely have a major impact on their children’s lives. Unfortunately, a few of the children that I work with do not get much time with their parents or much parental support. These children tend to be the ones that are a little more difficult to handle in certain situations. I would definitely say that I am able to tell, first hand, that parental support and guidance is so beneficial.
Stephmena · November 11, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I also think that parents have a major impact on how a child or teen reacts to different circumstances in their lives. A child looks to their parents for guidance and insight. But I also think that with out parents a child could feel the emotions of pain and sorrow. I think this is why children begin rebelling against the people who should have been there guidepost and source of love. Children need guidance to make the right decisions. I know this personally. I can’t tell you how many times I rebelled but now that I look back I can see that everything they did was for my own good. Children can’t see anything but the present and once they get to a certian age this should change. But some children who are with out love may not see beyond the present and remain the rebelious child straight into adulthood. Parents make all the difference in a childs or teens life.
MakeyvaD · November 12, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I believe parental monitoring is very important, because most parents are concerned with their child’s (or teenager’s) safety and most children have no problem answering where they will be going, who they will be with, and what they will be doing they might be lying (lol) but i’m sure they have no problem giving their parents an answer. Parental monitoring is good, because it shows the child that their parents do care about them and love them, and will be there if they need them. I feel that regardless of whether a child has parental monitoring or not the child will still do what they want to do, because being young you want to experiment and are very curious. I can recall lying about where I was going, because i knew my mother would probably think i couldn’t handle going or I was too young or something. I have a cousin who had a very strict parents growing up, and once he moved out the house he was really wild so parent monitoring does matter but I feel a child is going to make their own decisions still, and all parents can do is hope they make the right decisions or learn from the mistakes they do make.
BreehanYohe · November 16, 2009 at 10:38 pm
I absolutely agree that parents play a HUGE role in how their children turn out. Yes, there are some exceptions and things that are out of our control, but as I head towards my 24th birthday and my maternal biological clock slowly starts reminding me that it is there, I pay more and more attention to the ways that people are raising their children and think how differently I would do it.
If I do decide to bring another person into this world someday, I almost cringe to admit it, but I would be quite a strict monitor of things like my child’s daily diet, interactions with others and how much television is allowed to be watched and at what age. I think those early years are the most vital in “shaping” your child and making it possible that he or she can grow up in the more enlightened and hopefully trouble-free way possible.
I never understand seeing mothers and fathers who appear to be annoyed at every little thing their child is doing and when I see that disenchanted parent at the grocery store or downtown, I wonder how this will affect their child’s growth and behavior in the future.
I am a firm believer in loving, tolerant and occasionally firm when necessary parenting, and I think it is of the utmost importance to raise one’s child with care.
mmoeinaz · November 17, 2009 at 10:48 am
I definitely agree that parents play a very large role in the development of their children, not only in the young adolescent years, but throughout the rest of their lives. I have realized now that I am in college, that my parents really did influence a lot of my morals and values. I feel that as every year that I get older, I am becoming more and more like my parents, even if I don’t want to be like them or agree with a lot of what they did while raising me. I remember that the television and even music was censored in my house until I got to college and was able to have my own independence. I consider the entire time when a child grows up in the household, from birth until moving away from college, as a critical period that parents will be “shaping” their children. I know that for me, my parents were so involved with my life that drug use in high school was never a consideration. The people in my high school who did abuse drugs had parents that either promoted it or didn’t have a strong involvement in their lives. Still in college, the kids who call home often and talk with their parents are still influenced by them. I know that for myself, I will always look back to my parents for help, because they have gone through all the stages of life that I will be going on to. Especially when I have my own children, I know there are extremely high chances that I will be parenting and “shaping” my children the way my parents treated me.
jessie ysunza · November 19, 2009 at 8:19 pm
I too, like many others it appears, agree that parental monitoring has a huge effect on children. Growing up, my parents did a very good job in allowing me a certain level of freedom, yet restricting me as well. I think that the importance comes in not so much as to how parents do monitor, but at what age. There is a certain period where experimentation with drugs and alcohol is very prevalent among teens, and it is at this time that parents should be paying most attention to what their child is doing and changes in activities and personality. I believe finding a middle ground on talking about and educating teens on things such as marijuana use is far more important than sheltering them from things they are bound to encounter later in life. With our present economy, maybe it is the parents role to educate their children on the importance of schooling and preparation of the real world in a positive way, and not necessarily scare them out of any habit that the kid has gotten into. I strongly believe that freedom of choice, as long as these choices don’t become harmful, is one of the most important things in raising children to allow them to find their sense of self.
NikkiNoroian · November 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Parents make a difference! Although my opinion is backed by personal experience rather than by scientific data, I feel strongly about the role my parents played in helping me become the person I am today. I realize there are certainly other factors to consider, but I still feel that parents are the most important one. Having parents that cared where I was/who I was with made me feel loved and needed. In regard to preparing me for the future, my parents told me early on that being successful involved making a series of smart choices on a daily basis. They not only told me that—but I saw them “practice what they preached.” I am fortunate to have been raised by people who were wonderful role models and know that this is something all children want and need.
GLicht · December 1, 2009 at 8:28 pm
I agree that parents are very important in making a foundation for the way that children make choices. There is no doubt in my mind that my parents’ constant monitoring caused me to stay out of trouble and get good grades in school. However, my parents separated when I was 16, a time when a lot of teens go crazy and rebel in any way they can. The constant monitoring I had decreased significantly, and my parents didn’t always know about where I was or what was going on in my life. But, this sudden freedom from my parents didn’t affect my actions at all. I continued to work hard in school, play sports, and make smart choices with what I did on the weekends. So, was I born to be a conscientious child? Or did that fact that I had a strong foundation of behavior due to parental monitoring last even though the actual monitoring didn’t? My guess is that my parents had a huge effect on my behavior when I was young, and that it’s continued to stick with me. Thanks, parents!
gderenzo · December 2, 2009 at 10:12 pm
As others have commented above, it is true that you really don’t realize the impact your parents have made on you until you are on your own. Now living on my own I see that the way I was raised influences so many of my attitudes and actions. Raised by divorced parents I got double the parenting, but definitely two different styles, one more patrolling and the other more laid back. Growing up with both styles, I’ve learned that when parents adopt the laid back role, it does not mean they don’t care, rather it places more pressure on you to succeed and do well on your own to maintain that mutual respect. As the posting mentions the use of marijuana, I also grew up in Marin County where it is very very common for both adults and teens to use this drug. In this environment it wasn’t only hearing about the dangers from education or adults, it was real life evidence of what the consequences are. Parents definitely have a such a defining role in shaping their children which is something that even an environment, a group of friends or the social norm can change.
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