One of the major hobbies chez Freberg is watching college football, and the season got off to a glorious start for our multiple alma maters (UCLA–USC for Mr. F, UCLA for me, Army for Kristin, and Florida, USC, and Tennessee for Karen). I don’t remember another weekend in which all won simultaneously. Hopefully, this bodes well for the season!
I hope SJSU got paid a bunch for playing USC...
While reviewing the news this morning, I came across an old, but still funny article on ESPN on “New Rules for College Football Fandom.” Here are some of the highlights:
9. You are allowed to root freely against the following schools for no specific reasons: Notre Dame; Notre Dame in their puke-green jerseys; Notre Dame when playing on “Triumph of the Will”-shaming propaganda house organ NBC; USC; any school that plays its fight song approximately 4,387 times per game like USC; Michigan; Miami; Ohio State; any school like Ohio State with a pretentious “the” in front of its name, because otherwise how would we know which Ohio State university they were talking about?; any school coached by Steve Spurrier; any school coached by Nick Saban.
(We understand the Notre Dame part, but root against USC? Never!)
15a. If you weigh more than 275 pounds, you can spell out only the following letters when shirtless and wearing body paint: O, W, M.
This one was followed by:
38. (For women): Never hit on a man spelling out the following letters in body paint: O, W, M.
I liked these, too, but unfortunately, most of these rules are ignored:
10. Please observe the following age limits on male attire:
• 25-and-under: Team jersey or shirtless (body paint mandatory)
• 26-35: T-shirt, jersey, shirtless if you work out at least three times per week and/or have a BMI reading of less than “morbidly obese”
• 36-50: Polo shirt
• 51-75: Sweater vest with polo shirt underneath; sweatshirt from bowl victory two decades ago
• 75-over: Shirtless, alcoholic steam rising from graying chest hair
11. Please observe the following age limits on female attire:
• 25-and-under: Baby-doll tank top, or sports bra if spelling out letter with body paint; cowboy hats; short shorts with team nickname on rear; nothing but a letter of intent and a smile (recruiting hostesses only)
• 26-35: T-shirt, jersey or sweatshirt
• 36-50: Any outfit accented by bead-heavy team necklace
• 51-75: Any outfit accented by glittery hat or electric glasses
• 75-over: Hair must be dyed school colors; polyester pants to match.
I’m kind of partial to the idea of the 75-over female attire, but I don’t think my daughters would ever speak to me again….The important message, I think, is this is supposed to be fun! And a game!
AP Photo Politically correct? Come on! This is college football!
1 Comment
aterpenny · December 1, 2009 at 2:45 pm
The “New Rules for College Football Fandom” article is hilarious. I actually bookmarked it on my browser so that I can refer to it at any later point and time.
Even though I am not a huge college football fan (love professional so much more), I love the heart that college football players play with as well as the enthusiasm college football fans have. The only thing I wish would happen is that some of the professional football players would take a lesson in having heart from college football players and then play accordingly. So many professional football players just play for the money. They don’t care about their team, their teammates, the city they reside in in order to play for their team, or their fans. All they care about is the money aspect and I find this to be quite disheartening. Needless to say, I do think there are still some professional football players out there that love what they do so much that simply playing the sport that they love is payment enough.
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