I Want to Hold Your Hand….

I was never much of a Beatles fan (much preferred the Rolling Stones), but I did enjoy their early songs. This one is currently stuck in my head as a result of some interesting experiences Mr. F and I have had over the last few months. For years, we have always enjoyed taking walks, and when we walk, we hold hands. I guess I never thought too much of it, other than it was something nice and reassuring that we both liked.

Recently, we have been stopped by people, and not just one or two but quite a few, who have commented on how they see us walking holding hands, and they want to know “how” we manage to do it. They’re not alone. WikiHow even has a page on how to hold hands, and I think it’s sad that this is something people are apparently anxious about.

Okay, I may be a psychologist, but I am definitely not a clinician or marriage therapist, so we just answer as many questions as we can based on our own experience. It seems that a lot of people are looking for “something more” in their social relationships, enough so that they would stop complete strangers on the street to ask how we get along. Perhaps our current economic depression is leading to a renewed focus on finding more satisfaction in relationships than in trips to the mall.

Wikipedia says that in Western society, handholding is mostly an action between women and children. I did hold my children’s hands a lot when they were little, as none of them had the temperament of little ducklings that follow their mother in neat little rows. Put them down, and they were gone! Handholding is also described on Wikipedia as a generally inoffensive (gosh, I would hope so) example of a PDA–public display of affection.

Why do we hold hands? Well, the “A” part of the PDA is important to us–it’s just friendly. It has other positive side effects. We have both saved the other on many occasions from a nasty spill (our sidewalks in SLO are not exactly user-friendly). We also communicate–if one of us sees something funny, but it would be impolite to point, etc., a simple squeeze of the hand tells your partner “hey look at that.” A shared smile completes the conversation.

Holding hands isn’t for everyone. I’ve heard people say that they would feel “controlled.” Hmmm–with that kind of attitude, one wonders how much true “A” there is in the relationship to start with. These people probably wouldn’t want to wear matching windbreakers either….which we have been known to do. But for people who want to have a little more “A” in their lives, this is surely an easy way to start.