The search for the basis of happiness is convoluted, to say the least. As we mentioned in an earlier post, happiness is vastly different between conservatives and liberals, world-wide as well as in the United States. Money certainly doesn’t guarantee happiness, which given our current back-to-the-Stone-Age economy, is probably a good thing. But what about the legendary joys of parenting?
Nattavudh Powdthavee, an economist at the University of York, argues that parents are no more happy than people without children, and that in the United States, there is a tendency for parents to be less-satisfied than non-parents. Poor Professor Powdthavee has apparently heard a lot of negative feedback on this issue, and tries to deflect some of the ire over to Dan Gilbert.
What I would add to this study, however, would be a measure of how satisfied you are with your children’s outcomes as a moderating factor. In my experience, the unhappiest people I know are those who are disappointed with how their children turned out. Usually this happens when the parents do not share a common set of core values. What is acceptable in a partner can be very different when you see those values applied to raising your children.
One also has to look at the circumstances in which people are parenting. Current data suggest that 40% of American babies born last year were born to unmarried mothers. It’s hard enough to be a good parent without tying one hand behind your back this way. The Hollywood notion that you can go ahead and have babies and think about marriage later and live happily ever after is just another trip to fantasyland.
The Pew Study on happiness is provocative in its suggestion that conservatives, who report being more satisfied with their family life, are also more likely to be married, to be religious, and to believe in an internal locus of control. People with an internal locus of control will feel personally responsible for how their children turn out, as opposed to believing that parents have little impact a la Judith Rich Harris, and are therefore less likely to adopt the permissive, uninvolved parenting style that usually results in disastrous offspring behaviors.
Not everyone should be a parent, and it’s important to recognize whether you should be or not, but in the right time, in the right place, and with the right person, being a parent can be a source of remarkable joy. I have learned so much from my daughters, and learned so much about myself from the mirror they hold up to me.
Karla, Kristin, and Karen Freberg
4 Comments
jeffcurry · May 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Interesting… I agree that those with an internal locus of control would definitely be impacted by a child of theirs not turning out the way they wanted him/her to be. Its extremely eye-opening that becoming a parent doesn’t necessarily provide happiness. At the moment of birth everyone is overjoyed, but as the stresses of parenthood begin to stack upon one another, the extreme high of being a new parents fades with the amount of responsibility added. As a parent, you not only deal with your own personal experiences, but you share with your child’s for the rest of your life. Every experience they have effects you, whether it be negative or positive. In a way, when becoming a parent, you gain a whole other life that you have to begin to manage. Those who know how to do that best will of course be the happiest.
bhines · September 24, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I think this is an intriguing topic and one only recently given much contemplation by the general public. To answer the question “Does Being a Parent Make You Happy?” I would have to say “No.” I think the only way one can attain happiness is if they make the conscious decision to do so. Nobody else can make or break your happiness unless you allow them that power over you. Moreover, in regards to being a parent, you have the power of allowing your children to bring you greater happiness but the sole act of being a parent won’t automatically put you one step ahead. Therefore, to explain studies that suggest some parents are less satisfied than non-parents, I would say this may be in large part because those people who are parents are not in control of creating their own happiness and/or they had children to bring it about (when again this is only something oneself can choose to obtain independent of other factors). Some people will be happy without children, and for those individuals parenting would probably not increase joy. It is all a matter of personal preference, and I think we are coming to a new day in age where we are just beginning to view parenting as such, rather than as an expected routine of life.
NikkiNoroian · October 15, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I can’t even count the number of times I have been told that being a parent is one of the greatest joys life has to offer. I can definitely understand how satisfying it could be to watch your offspring grow and see things in life with a fresh perspective. I also know that with the wrong person and the wrong timing, it can be one of the most stressful jobs life has to offer. It would be interesting to hear more research done on this topic in order to assure that the people are actually giving honest answers and not saying parenting is joyful to avoid sounding “like a bad person.”
Posts about parenting as of March 22, 2009 · September 15, 2010 at 9:24 am
[…] anything that we want to change in our lives, it takes a conscious effort…( read more ) Does Being a Parent Make You Happy? – laurafreberg.com 03/22/2009 The search for the basis of happiness is convoluted, to say the […]
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