in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", the patriarch of the family "Gus" prepares and tastes his lamb cooked on his front yard. We always smile when we see this movie!
Here are some of the things I am reading today:
“Exclusive Interview with Facebook Leadership: Mark Zuckerberg, CEO/Co-Founder & Sheryl Sandberg, COO”
“The scientists discovered a 67 percent excess of cortical cells – a type of brain cell only made before birth – in children with autism. The findings suggest that the disorder may arise from prenatal processes gone awry, according to lead researcher Eric Courchesne, PhD, professor of neurosciences at the UC San Diego School of Medicine and director of the Autism Center of Excellence.
Relying on meticulous, direct cell counting, the study – to be published Nov. 9 by the Journal of the American Medical Society (JAMA) and funded in part by the National Institutes of Health – confirms a relatively recent theory about possible causes of autism.”
“In a small study published in the November issue of the peer-reviewed journal Archives of General Psychiatry, UCLA researchers used a unique brain scan to assess the levels of amyloid plaques and tau tangles in older adults with a type of severe depression called major depressive disorder (MDD).
Previous research has suggested that plaque and tangle deposits in the brain — hallmarks of Alzheimer’s disease and many dementias — are associated not only with memory loss but also with mild symptoms of depression and anxiety in middle-aged and older individuals. The team wanted to see what the brain-scanning technique developed at UCLA would find in older people with MDD.”
“Discussions about the epidemic are everywhere, from the latest best-selling novels to academic discussions on college campuses, to passionate discussions between Frat brothers & Sister circles. The question everyone wants answered is “WHY?” Unfortunately, many of the traditional reasons you have been given for the premature romantic meltdowns amongst Blacks are inaccurate and insufficient. These very same factors were present when successful Black marriages, created 30 or 40 years ago, were forged but yet many a couple managed to stay together.”
“Today’s topic is Relationship Baggage and how we can avoid bringing it into our next relationship. You’ve probably heard some guy say, ‘Just because there was one bad apple doesn’t mean the whole barrel’s rotten!’
Most of us go on dates with a truckload of invisible suitcases that we then pile onto the table between us and our date. This baggage has nothing to do with him (or her). It has everything to do with loves long past.
So why not clean house and travel a bit lighter?”
13 Comments
amandalipson · November 9, 2011 at 7:44 pm
The 7 Ways to Avoid Relationship Baggage was really interesting. First off, it makes the reader feel like they’re not alone—most people who have been in a romantic relationship could probably relate to all of these points. I really like the idea about meditating to release someone. It’s very interesting to note that by “forgiving and releasing”, we are not saying that what the person did was okay, we are simply not going to let it disturb our lives anymore. I also really like the part about making yourself whole instead of putting that baggage on another person. I know that myself, along with many of my peers, will often put blame on someone else when things aren’t going right, expecting our issues to be resolved by someone else’s actions. All in all, this article made really great points that are very useful reminders.
amandalipson · November 9, 2011 at 9:50 pm
The article on why black marriages fail is very interesting. I had never thought about taking into account someone’s childhood when considering them for a romantic relationship or potentially marriage. In class, we always talk about adult similarities, but never childhood characteristics, so this came as a bit of a surprise to me. Both parts about hating oneself and using love as an escape reminded me of the other “Baggage” article in that you must depend on yourself for happiness and never turn to other people to solve all your issues. It seems to be a very valid point that is addressed in many ways. It is something that I think should be emphasized early in childhood to facilitate the habit of being independent. I also like how the article talks about a 3-month fasting period after a break up. We so often see individuals who cannot be alone and jump from unhealthy relationship to more unhealthy relationships. It really is a good reminder to not hurt someone else in the process of trying to fulfill selfish needs. Pain bodies are a completely new concept to me and it makes me nervous to see what my pain body will show to my future partner! While those were my favorite concepts, I really liked the entire article and think it could be applied to a larger population.
mkitselman · November 10, 2011 at 10:34 am
I really enjoyed reading the 7 Ways to Avoid Relationship Baggage. I think a lot of times it is easy to blame our baggage on past partners, and feel validated in holding on to that baggage because of how we had been treated. However, this article does a really nice job of pointing out that the only way to really let go of our baggage and move on in a new relationship is by taking steps ourselves to get rid of it. I really liked the visual that the author gave about imagining each past relationship as a staircase, leading to the ultimate relationship in marriage. What is most important is to hold on to the things that we learn in each relationship, not to hold on to the baggage that weighs us down. I think this article was a great reminder that we our in control of our mentality, and having a positive attitude and letting go of past hurts can really lead to a better chance of achieving happiness in the future.
mkitselman · November 10, 2011 at 10:43 am
I also thought the article on why marriages between African Americans are failing was very interesting. First of all, I think it’s really important that the author was able to realize that relationship issues cannot be universally applied to all marriages. Some marriage problems may be specific to certain cultures, ethnicities, and races. This multicultural approach to helping African Americans solve their marriage issues is really important. That being said, I still think a lot of the advice that was given can still be applied to a lot of marriages in general. I especially thought the advice about loving yourself before you try to love someone else was especially helpful. I think a lot of times, people rely on relationships to help themselves feel fulfilled and love, when really that type of fulfillment can only come from being accepting and loving of oneself. I know a lot of my peers who jump from one long term relationship to the next, taking no time to really recover from the previous relationship. I think partially this may come from the uncomfortable feeling that being alone gives some people. Instead of taking time to focus on oneself, they focus on making sure that they are constantly with another person who can make them feel loved and appreciated. The article brought up a lot of really great points that I feel would benefit people from many different walks of life.
giulianna.riso · November 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I found the article about avoiding relationship baggage to be very interesting and true. It is often so hard to separate our harsh feelings from a past break up and not over-generalize the whole other opposite sex to have some of the bad characteristics that your ex had. I know that I am guilty of doing this sometimes, as is my mom and my sister. Putting yourself out there is very difficult so oftentimes people build walls around themselves in order to try to avoid getting hurt by someone else, when in turn this is just hurting yourself. There is no greater thing in life than to love and be loved in return!
anajafia · November 11, 2011 at 5:53 pm
The article, “8 Reasons for Marital Failure Amongst African Americans,” was quite interesting. Although the article was geared for African Americans, the points Dr. Umar Abdullah-Johnson made can, in my opinion, be suited for any dysfunctional, failing, or one-sided relationships. Each reason was stated in a very eloquent manner. I’ve known that one’s childhood years and their relationship and interactions with the family and friends s/he grows up with has a significant effect on the kid’s development and perspective on life. This is why the article caught my eye. I was raised in a dysfunctional family, stories I would rather not go into depth with, and some of the points Dr. Abdullah-Johnson made were right up my parent’s and I’s alley. The second point on self hatred: looking for someone to love you was a large problem with my life until, I believe, about a year and half ago. This was attributed, I think, to my parents constantly fighting literally EVERY day and with me just acting like nothing is the matter, nothing will go wrong from this. I used to get angry at myself when something would go wrong, and wouldn’t just accept it and let it go. I would tell myself, “You’re a failure” and “It’s your fault,” and other damaging comments. It wasn’t that would occur every so often, but quite a bit. So instead of living in the moment I would drench myself with the past, becoming easily irritable at myself. Yet I would put up a facade of happiness to think self-anger would just go over. Of course that didn’t work. But recently, like I said a year and a half ago, I started meditating and critically thinking about my situation, about my life, and really getting deep. I realized, fortunately, it’s getting better all the time. Currently I’m in a healthy relationship with the girl of my dreams.
Lfromm · November 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm
The best point I felt that was made in the article regarding avoiding baggage was that no one can just wait to hope it gets better. I’ve always been told that no matter what kind of relationship, whether it’s with a friend, a significant other or a family member, you can not change the other person. The only person you can change is you, how you look at it and how you feel about that person and the situation. Only you can change that relationship and how you view other relationships in the future. However, this article goes further and states that the very first step is how you feel about yourself. Loving yourself and finding value in yourself is where the healing begins.
Lfromm · November 11, 2011 at 10:12 pm
As we had talked about autism and apoptosis in class i was particularly intrigued by the article that discussed this correlation. Although this article made it clear that we are not anywhere near finding the cause for this lack of apoptosis, or whether or not this is a direct cause of autism, it is important to understand that this is a variance that is seen between the brain of those affected and unaffected brains. If autism is found to be a direct result of insufficient apoptosis, I would be curious to see whether or not this is a result of possibly excessive natural NGF or if there are synthetic chemicals that mothers may be exposed to that could function as NGF, or if there’s a different mechanism altogether.
dlheller · November 12, 2011 at 7:18 pm
I enjoyed reading the article on relationship baggage. I find truth in much of what was stated in the article, although often times it’s easier to read than believe. Being confident in yourself is definitely important. I agree, how are you supposed to love someone else if you don’t love yourself? Also the staircase is the perfect metaphor; it’s hard to look back and accept bad relationships but it is true. If we didn’t make those mistakes we wouldn’t know what we ultimately desire in a significant other which makes marriages so successful or at least new potential relationships. Baggage is only hurting yourself because as mentioned, you can’t really expect the other person in the relationship to change. If you digest your baggage and can move on then that is just more experience you have for being a better “lover.”
megconstant · November 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm
The article on relationship baggage was extremely interesting to me. I have been in a couple of long, serious relationships that were not very healthy to be in and were very hard to get over and move on. You often start blaming yourself for what went wrong and feeling guilty, and holding on to that guilt for a long time. You feel that you need to make things better or even prove something to your ex, when really, that shouldn’t matter. You should take what you’ve learned from your relationship and apply it to the next one. I often times found myself generalizing, thinking that all men just wanted to sleep around or were unfaithful as the article said. And feeling that way won’t get you anywhere. Just because your ex was that type of person or things happened in a past relationship that were horrible doesn’t mean that the next guy that comes along is going to do those same things. Hopefully everyone can take away something from this article and learn to leave your baggage in the past, and only take on what you learned with you into the next relationship 🙂
megconstant · November 12, 2011 at 11:58 pm
The article 8 Reasons For Marital Failure Amongst African Americans was very interesting to me. While reading the article, I found myself relating many of the reasons of why people jump into relationships to my personal dating history. The one reason that stood out most to me was taking a time period of three months off after ending a relationship instead of jumping into another one immediately following. It is truly selfish of that person when they aren’t really emotionally available to put everything into another relationship when they aren’t over the last one. I, myself, am found guilty of doing this in the past, and it never ends well. I also was interested in the reason pertaining to how childhood can affect how/why someone chooses someone to fulfill things that were lacking in their childhood. I personally feel that these reasons for marital failure don’t only apply to African Americans. I have seen many of these reasons fail in many marriages of friends parents that I know as well as relationships. Very interesting and knowledgeable article.
robert_foster · November 14, 2011 at 1:34 am
In response to “7 ways to avoid relationship baggage”:
Before I begin my analysis of this article, I would like to first break-down a commonly over-used term within the advice text: cliche. People regularly use the phrase, “although it is a cliche, it is true” as a precursor to release them from potentially critical synthesis of a proposed concept or thought.
With that being said, this article really addresses the most fundamental concept of human life that people readily write-off as “cheesy” or “cliche” because they are afraid to accept it as true and prevalent. That underlying facet of human behavior, as a whole, is the idea that things happen for a reason.
This article is attempting to tell the reader what specific measures can be taken in order to attack every dating opportunity with the “best foot forward,” but what we all know is that pain and pleasure are two emotions that are experienced in undulating waves that happen both outside of our control and outside of our full understanding.
Nobody has the same experience regardless of how similar their circumstances are, it is what makes the human psyche so unique and what ultimately promotes a world of stark diversity. With that being said, it behooves us to realize that our lives are completely outside of our control and that we must accept the path that we are destined to walk.
Whether you have taken the time to think about such a concept or have dismissed the idea as simply too spiritual and philosophical as opposed to scientific, the beauty of this concept is that it can’t be disproved. It uses a brilliant argumentation technique that Plato often utilized: He didn’t tell you the right answer, he just told you that you were wrong.
However, to bring the main point back into focus, the most important element to any relationship is that two individuals must make sacrifices, be outrageously grateful for the other’s contributions, and focus on giving more than one expects to receive. If those principles can be adhered to, then the relationship can only bring a positive outcome. In terms of dealing with hardship and mitigate the duress of a loss, remember that with every experience and turning point in one’s life comes an enormous potential for learning more about one’s heart and desires. Look abstractly at a relationship’s outcome, not literally or through a myopic lens. Finally, understand that the right thing will happen to you whether or not you believe it or deny it. You didn’t choose where you were born, you were just born and thrown into life. You don’t pick from a list of names the individuals you would like to meet in your life, they enter and exit at a will that is seemingly their own but which is no more under their control as the ability for you to safely arrive at your school is under your control. In essence, treat people respectfully, think with your morals and the justice that your heart defines and surround yourself with inspiration.
robert_foster · November 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
In response to “Why some marriages fail among African American families.”
Reading this article immediately prompts me to reconsider the target audience of the article: African Americans. It seems like the advice and insight revealed in the article applies to the greater American population, not just African American families.
At any rate, I enjoy reading articles such as the one I am commenting on because they end up at one universal concept: relationships take time, honesty, integrity, sacrifice, and commitment.
We have learned that viewing the face of a loved on triggers certain parts of the brain and decreases activity in others. Namely, regions of the brain responsible for social judgment are reduced in activity when we view a loved one. As a result, we are less likely to synthesize and comprehend the severity of a situation and more likely to see it as a confirmation of our ideals.
This article challenges individuals (although it specifically speaks to African Americans) to look within themselves for happiness in relationships. I could not agree more with this statement and I regularly catch myself mitigating the severity of a situation as opposed to addressing the problem directly. Instead of writing a response to an article that is giving advice by continuing to give advice, I believe a comment to an article such as the one I am critiquing should be a recognition of the accuracy of the information. Instead, I would rather come up with something novel and unique based on the reading.
For me, that unique aspect or perspective deals with the issue of feigned social values within American society. Living in a world that is saturated by materialism, money, and status is a grotesque cliche and one that doesn’t really address the monster under the bed, so to speak. The issue within American societal values, and ultimately what causes the root of relationships problems, is the imbalance between important incentives (and therefore activities) and proposed importance of certain incentives.
To explain, a true incentive is something like a genuine smile, a passionate kiss, words of wisdom from a trusted friend or family member, hearing your children tell you they love you, or feeling happy when your partner stares into your eyes and tells you that he/she appreciates everything you do for him/her. On the flip side, a proposed incentive (proposed on behalf of society) is something like an endless aspiration for growth, lack of satisfaction within a career path that delivers no actual benefit to an end user, satisfaction of a superior before satisfaction of family members, convincing yourself that excelling in your career will bring your family happiness because of your increased ability to provide for them.
In essence, I have been able to understand what is important to me and rid myself of the pressure to satisfy others prior to understanding myself by identifying my philosophy of self. Looking into what I feel separate from what others attempt to convince me of. The most challenging obstacle in this process has been distancing myself from my parents while reinforcing my unending gratitude for their efforts in raising me.
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