Keeping with the Valentine’s theme, one of my favorite songs has always been “I only have eyes for you.” Wikipedia tells us that the song dates back to 1934 (before even my time), but my favorite version is 1959 version by the Flamingos. You can check their rendition out below:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTkcu4GVRe8[/youtube]
I have spent the last 38, almost 39 years reassuring Mr. F that this song really works for me, and that I really don’t feel distracted at all by other men, even attractive ones. I’m not sure he ever bought the argument, but now I have some empirical data to back up my position.
Researchers from UCLA and the online dating service eHarmony asked 120 UCLA students to look at photographs of very attractive people of the opposite sex, and choose the one they thought was most attractive. All 120 reported that they were in “committed” relationships. After viewing the photographs, the students were divided into three groups. One wrote an essay about a situation where they felt the most love for their partner. The second group wrote about a time they felt the most sexual desire for their partner, and the third group wrote about a subject of their own choice. While writing, the students were instructed to put a check mark in the margin of their essay every time they thought about the attractive person in the photo.
Compared to the control group (who wrote about their own topic), people writing about love were six times less likely to think about the attractive photo, and people writing about sex with their partner were four times less likely.
The researchers also asked the students to describe the photo “hottie” after writing their essays. The love essay writers remembered only about 2/3 the number of attractive features as the other groups, and were more likely to remember things like the hottie’s clothing or other identifying features.
The researchers concluded that reflecting on the love you have for one person effectively filters out temptation. So on that happy note, I hope you all have a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
1. Gonzaga, G., Haselton, M. G., Smurda, J., Davies, M. S., & Poore, J. C. (2008). Love, desire, and the suppression of thoughts of romantic alternatives. Evolution and Human Behavior.
5 Comments
bhidahl · February 17, 2008 at 8:34 pm
This is a very interesting study, especially for those critics who say that humans weren’t meant to be monogamous and take a pessimistic view about relationships. This study gives me a little more faith in relationship commitments and mankind in general. It’s nice to know that every hot girl on the street isn’t going to distract your lover. I totally believe that you can admire someone and notice that they’re attractive but not want to pursue anything with them, especially if you’re happy in your current relationship. I wonder, did this study have a definition of “commited” relationship – i.e. been in the relationship for a year or longer, etc? It would also be interesting to get the participants to rate their partner on an attractiveness scale (compared to the “hottie” in the picture) and see if the level of attraction to their partner had a correlation to how many times they thought of the picture while writing the essay.
rwest · February 18, 2008 at 1:05 pm
This is a very interesting story. I have found it to be true in my recent life. Before this past year I had never been in “love” or in what most would call a committed realtionship. I would be “with” partners but never really with partners, meaning I would have someone and continually be looking for another somone. But… last year I found my other and we just clicked. Right at that moment I quit looking for others and stayed focused on my one. After one month of knowing her she moved into my apartment in a whole new city and we’ve been wonderful ever since. The fact of the matter is that I totally agree with this study and think that it is great to see evidence supporting this new-found (for me) phenomenon. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
bblaine · February 19, 2008 at 10:15 pm
What an interesting study. It is really reassuring to hear those facts. I am not the biggest proponent of relationships right now nor for men either at the moment, but hearing this is good. It seems nowadays marriages and couples never stay together or last longer than a few years and I don’t understand it. People who are seemingly perfect together end up breaking up with no second thought. I try to think of my parents who have been together for 26 years and compare them to other people, but I really wish we could do a study and find out the reasons why some people are meant to be and others aren’t. That should be next.
ccallag · March 10, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I enjoyed this blog because it gives me faith in committed relationships. With the divorce rate as high as it is now, it is refreshing to see that biologically people in committed relationships can be monogamous. Additionally it gives me hope that there are people out there who would still prefer their mate over a random person. Yeah sure you can “look but don’t touch” but still it’s always nice to know your mate only has eyes for you.
reggie · March 13, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I totally agree with the research results when they say “reflecting on the love you have for one person effectively filters out temptation.” I think this is believable because of through my experiences and other experiences I have seen through my friends. I have a friend who actually is a player, I know that every time he gets a girlfriend he doesn’t take the relationship seriously and just mess around with other girls. And there was the one time where he told he thinks this girl was “the one.” Immediately I saw the change in him and stopped cheating and messing around. He knew he was in love, but he didn’t want to admit it.
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