In biological psychology class, I warn the students that we sometimes take the romance out of attraction by studying things like waist-to-hip ratios and the dilation of pupils when we find someone attractive. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, I think we’ll talk instead about relationships on a larger behavioral scale.
Our first study suggests that women might be a bit more perceptive than men when judging their relationships. A group of researchers from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and the University of Pennsylvania looked at 97 couples, both married and unmarried, between the ages of 18 and 46. Participants answered questionnaires about their relationships two times: once, from their own point of view, and second, by predicting how their partners would respond to the same issues.
Although couples were highly similar in their responses to the issues in general, the researchers observed some interesting differences. In general, women did a better job of predicting their partners’ responses than the men did. Men showed a tendency to project their own feelings onto their partners, predicting more similarity than there actually was.
Some answers seemed to follow sex stereotypes, rather than reflecting what the couples actually felt. For example, women overestimated their partners’ independence and underestimated their fear of abandonment. Men overestimated their partners’ fear of abandonment and underestimated their interest in sex.
Perhaps these misunderstanding arise from an unwillingness to discuss emotional topics like abandonment, independence, and sexuality. Knowing that these are areas where misunderstandings often occur, at least we can all make extra efforts to truly understand the other person’s point of view.
Our second study compares stated preferences for an ideal partner and actual behavior during a speed-dating experience [1]. When participants were asked to describe their ideal partner, men put a greater emphasis on physical appearance, whereas women put a greater emphasis on financial success. However, when faced with an actual speed-dating encounter, men and women were equally impressed by physical attractiveness and success and ambition.
So maybe we’re not so different from each other after all. Happy Valentine’s Day!
1. Eastwick, P.W., & Finkel, E.J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2) 245-264.
7 Comments
stclark · February 14, 2008 at 11:50 am
It’s about time that we (women) just admit how important physical attraction is. A great personality only goes so far, success only counts so much, money won’t buy happiness……if the chemistry isn’t there. Attraction can be an indicator of genetic compatibility for childbearing. Why would anyone discount that?
biopsych · February 14, 2008 at 9:31 pm
It is interesting how men and women perceive the same event differently. Women seem to be much more intuitive about body language and reading emotions. It is fun to have convorsations after double dates about what the girls in the group noticed versus the guys. We were telling some guys that when a girl is into a guy she will cross her legs toward him, this really surprised the guys. Being able to read body language is important and definitely gives women a leg up in the game of relationships.
rnadams · February 16, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Reading the first study may make a girl want to say “HA! I knew I was more perceptive.” But really, I think that’s sort of unfortunate. How different would the dynamic of a relationship be if both partners dropped their gender stereotypical assumptions and just discussed the issues ( like Dr. Freberg suggests they may be afraid to do?) It almost sounds ideal, but maybe these assumptions we make are part of what attract us to the opposite sex.
bblaine · February 19, 2008 at 10:22 pm
This study was reiterating what we should already know. Women can’t hide the fact that looks are important in the opposite sex. Also, women are more perceptive to things that their partner do, say, or feel. It is a known fact that they just happen to care more about their emotional state than men do. Women are more compassionate. So, this study was good evidence that these stereotypes are actually really facts that if known can be put to good use.
trubio · February 23, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I am especially intrigued at the findings regarding men and women being equally interested in physical attractiveness, success and ambition. I think this is more a result of the fact that it was a speed dating experience than anything. I think that initally, those aspects of a person are what attracts people, but there are much deeper qualities that eventually become the make it or break it traits. I would definitely look at physical appearnce, success and ambition in a speed dating situation, but in an actual relationship I may be able to overlook imperfection in those some of those areas and appreciate more long term qualities instead.
reggie · March 13, 2008 at 4:06 pm
When it comes to physical attractiveness, in my opinion I think that it was one of the first things we notice about people. It seems kind of shallow, but true in a way. We usually look and pay more attention to people who are attractive to us, it’s sort of that beauty that brings us closer to the point of contact. And when we do say and introduce ourselves, it is from there where we can say there is chemistry or not. So when people ask me, what is the first thing you notice about a girl, I would be honest and just say her cute face and nice eyes! But that doesn’t mean I am interested, I’m just saying she’s pretty. When it comes to a relationship, I would say the kind of person she is the main thing that keeps me attracted.
Roger’s View of the World, Love and Seafood Gumbo! » Happy Valentine’s Day to those in love or wish to be · February 14, 2008 at 12:55 pm
[…] Laura had a nice blog on Relationships & Valentine’s Day … and I am told she has some new personality tests to give me when she returns home from the university! hmmmm […]
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