Happy Father’s Day!

No offense to single mothers out there, who are doing their best to raise good kids, but dads do provide input that moms and other female relatives cannot. I have to admit that many of the major highlights of my children’s lives were not the day-to-day things that I did, but the popcorn fights, trips on the roof of our 2 story house, fishing, and other “dad” activities that happened when I was conveniently off at work.

Cross-culturally, fathers teach achievement and how to compete, skills that are likely to be ever more relevant in today’s economic environment. According to David Geary, an expert in evolutionary psychology, dads also teach children to emotionally regulate through a special type of play. By roughhousing with their children, Geary says dads work their kids up almost to a breaking point, then calm them down, teaching them important skills that lead to popularity among both peers and authority figures. In our house, Mr. F devised a game called “smash the Daddy,” harkening back to his NFL experiences. How does one play, you ask? First, you construct an elaborate block tower on the coffee table that is to be defended by the daddy. Next, you teach your toddler daughter proper tackling technique. Her task is to get past the daddy to destroy the block tower on the table. Now I know some moms who would throw up their hands in horror at such an activity, but I think it’s no accident that our daughters, now adult, have had no problems whatsoever maneuvering through the masculine domains of military service and elite athletics.

Mr. F Catches Karen for the Umpteenth Time--Who Needs a Gym When You Have Kids?

One of the interesting outcomes of Geary’s research is that children living in a calm, stable environment with their dad experience later sexual maturation. We do know that age of puberty has dropped substantially in the last century, from about 16 years to the current average of 12 years, and it is not uncommon to see children of 8 years or so who are physically quite mature. How much of this is due to father absence would be an interesting question.  Children with a stable relationship with their father are more likely to form their own stable relationships as adults and become good parents in turn. One has to wonder how much of this is modeling and how much is due to epigenetic changes.

My own father passed away in 1986, and I still miss him deeply. I still think I should be able to dial his telephone number, and hear him answer “Well, this is a surprise,” even though I called him regularly. Geary says that some of a father’s best work shows up in his grandchildren, and I like to think that watching Kristin graduate from West Point or Karen taking 9th in the Olympic Trials or Karla having a Pixar animator gush over her art would put a smile on his face.  I think he would also be proud of Mr. F’s investment in our daughters, and he might even want to join in on a round of “smash the daddy.”